Last Wednesday I was 9 weeks no alcohol and 5 weeks no sugar. I’d completely abstained from alcohol and, other than my previously mentioned mini slips with fructose (oh shame on you sugar-free banana cake), I’ve been successful on no sugar too.
Then I went on holiday. To Cornwall.
My intentions were good from the outset, if not a little loose in their intentions.
Discussions and comments from me to my husband in the week running up to our trip went something like this:
‘But what about when everyone goes for ice creams…?’
‘Will we still go to Rick Stein’s for fish and chips?’
‘I wonder if the grilled fish will be as nice’
‘Are we not taking any wine or fizz then?’
‘Maybe we should take some rose, just in case.’
And all my husband’s comments in response went something like this:
‘You’re on holiday, if you want a glass of wine or an ice cream, have it.’
Or maybe that’s just the only part I heard. Because that’s exactly what I did.
After day one, where I talked rather annoyingly to all our friends about how I was alcohol- and sugar-free, and would be annoyed if I broke my commitment to myself, on day two I obsessed over whether half a glass of Prosecco was really that bad. In the sun, and with the children in bed. While watching the sea, with our best friends.
So, I had half a glass of Prosecco and in that opened a can of (sugar-coated) worms. Day 3 I had an ice cream. And not just a small ice cream, I had a waffle cone with two scoops and then promptly scoffed the remains of my youngest sons too, and I’m not entirely sure he’d even finished.
Followed by a burger (albeit organic), and two glasses of wine that evening.
Final day. PIZZA. And a mint Feast.
On my return home. Two glasses of wine – just to celebrate being home and before jumping back onto the regime that I have lived and absolutely loved for the last two and a half months.
However, I am now back and on the proverbial wagon and I’m not entirely sure if I should be feeling guiltier about my fall from grace. Whether this new found ‘health’ should take a holiday or whether this should be my way of life from now onwards, without falter.
I know that I felt better without the pizza and the wine – 100%. But also that, in that moment, that sugary fix made me giddy and whoop out loud with joy. Only to quickly berate myself and justify it for the rest of the day. And yes, I do realise how annoying this is for other people to listen to.
I guess I’m still finding my way with it all and in time will decide how I want to manage this long term.
I now have 6 weeks before our next holiday, which is in Italy, in a vineyard, in Chianti. The home of ice cream, pizza, Prosecco and delicious wine.
In the meantime, it’s back to avocado, sparkling water and clean living for me. And for now, I couldn’t be happier about that…!